Rand Paul’s confession: Constipated for years, he can’t see the light

In what must be one of the most bizarre but informative exchanges we’ve ever heard from a Tea Partier, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul reveals what bugs so many Tea Partiers.  His toilets don’t work, and haven’t for 20 years.

That’s not supposed to be a straight line for a gag.

You can’t get the information from just listening to him, however — you have to have some additional facts so you can read between the lines.

From this exchange at the Senate Committee on Energy and Natural Resources, we learn:

  1. Rand Paul trivializes abortion and women’s rights.  He appears to think babies are similar to incandescent light bulbs; he’s pretty clueless about either pregnancies or light bulbs.  Could there be a more offensive way to introduce this topic, than to claim his right to buy an incandescent light bulb and waste energy is equal, somehow, to a woman’s right to choose whether to carry a baby?
  2. Rand Paul doesn’t know how to shop.  Rand Paul isn’t much of a plumber.  He apparently bought a defective toilet some years ago, one that either doesn’t work or just can’t deal with the amount of effluent he personally produces, and he blames government for his bowel issues and his plumbing issues.  Well-working, low-water-use toilets have been available for decades in Europe and Asia, and are now available in the U.S., but he can’t be bothered to shop for them.  If he could maintain his old, water-wasting toilet, he’d have no kick, of course.  But he can’t be bothered to shop for a plumber who knows plumbing, and he can’t figure out how to do it himself.
  3. Rand Paul is incompetent at economics and constitutional law, at the same time.  Rand Paul thinks government should regulate things for his satisfaction, keeping products available that are no longer economical to produce — and if government fails to force businesses to do his bidding, it’s government’s fault; but the fact that Paul lives in the 19th century in his mind and no one else wants what he wants, never occurs to him.
  4. Rand Paul wants government to subsidize his bad choices.


Let’s go to the video:

Can somebody get Rand Paul a competent plumber?  Can somebody show him how to use Google or Bing or Yahoo! to shop for good toilets and good plumbers?   The nation needs Paul to return to sanity, decency, and sanitation.

[Update:  Paul could learn about efficient, U.S.-built toilets, here.]

Am I wrong to think Paul is making an attack on wise conservation in general?  Why?

Paul’s smug, self-satisfied invincibility of incompetence and learned helplessness is appalling.  (Take that, Protein Wisdom; it’s just you, Jeff G. — everybody else sees Ms. Morgan as composed against Paul’s overweening smugness.)

Can somebody explain this to me:  This moment of extreme embarrassment to Sen. Paul is posted by his office at his YouTube site.  What were they thinking?

Somebody give a medal to Energy’s Deputy Assistant Secretary Kathleen Morgan for not teeing off on the guy.  Letting him twist in the wind is good enough.

By the way, the bill Paul complains about?  The manufacturers agreed to the standards voluntarily, and have already agreed to comply — the bill adds no regulations they say they cannot meet; Hogan’s statement noted:

S.398 codifies agreements that were negotiated, signed, and promoted by a cross-section of stakeholders representing consumer advocacy groups, manufacturers, manufacturer trade associations, and energy efficiency advocacy organizations, all of whom support this bill. The negotiated consensus agreements would establish energy conservation standards for 14 products, several of which are in the midst of DOE’s ongoing standards and test procedure rulemakings.

Also constipated:

Resources, good information:

13 Responses to Rand Paul’s confession: Constipated for years, he can’t see the light

  1. […] Energy-efficient lightbulbs appear to scare the excrement out of Sen. Rand Paul […]


  2. […] Energy-efficient lightbulbs appear to scare the excrement out of Sen. Rand Paul […]


  3. […] Energy-efficient lightbulbs appear to scare the excrement out of Sen. Rand Paul […]


  4. 10 to 1 says Rand Paul will kvetch that most of the neodymium mining is done in China


  5. […] will Rand Paul work up a whine about Reveal lightbulbs?  What will he complain […]


  6. […] Paul revealed why he’s full of . . . that certain fecality, shall we say.  He did that in a hearing about light bulbs, and […]


  7. […] Rand Paul’s Confession: constipated for years, he still can’t see the light. […]


  8. Jim says:

    Hello there, Gawiman!

    You know, a lot of people on the right excoriate President Obama for using a teleprompter and for often speaking rather deliberatively — with no small number of “ums” and “ahs”.

    You know what’s funny about that?

    I think it reveals the man’s intellect. He obviously cares about the words that come out of his mouth, and wants to be as precise and careful as possible. And yet, to many on the right, that is somehow a character flaw.

    This is not to say he is incapable of error. As you point out, any of us — regardless of political bent or educational accomplishment — can conflate “exhort” and “extol”. And taken individually, I think nearly all the gaffes of politicians, be they named Palin or Biden, can be understood and teasingly excused as the result of overwork, exhaustion, lack of a teleprompter or other script and simple human frailty.

    I don’t look down on Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann or The Decider because they made a handful of misstatements. We all do.

    My difficulty with them is two-fold.

    1. In the case of the aforementioned, we’re talking about more than a handful of misstatements. We’re dealing with serial incompetence and stupidity.

    2. On an even deeper and more distressing level, no small number of conservatives (though thankfully, not all) actually consider the obvious lack of erudition on the part of that cabal to be a virtue.

    Is it any wonder the lawgiver, speaking for God, said, “My people perish for lack of knowledge”. We must, as a society, re-elevate development of the life of the mind to the level of one of our highest virtues…right along with compassion and civility.


  9. […] liberal rhetorical responses, use literalism to avoid confronting the real point, oh and don’t forget the most common (seen from my perch) liberal conversational tactic […]


  10. […] Roberts at the online Grist site has a toilet that will solve Rand Paul’s problem, as Paul let slip at a Senate hearing earlier this week.  A couple of interesting videos accompanied Roberts’ […]


  11. gawiman says:

    He also said “extoll” when he probably meant “exhort”. It might seem trivial to draw attention to wrong word choices – everybody flubs a word occasionally – but two in one sentence? Hardly speaks well for his clarity of thought. As do, certainly, his failure to acknowledge economic externalities or the role of government in protecting the commons.

    He wants us to be consumers, not citizens.


  12. Jim says:


    The mind staggers. But are we surprised? This is the man who is so deeply committed to freedom of choice, that he believes business owners should have the free choice not to serve customers with black skin.

    When they say they want their country back, they mean the old Confederacy.

    Senator Paul, you’re as batsh*t as the old man.


  13. karl says:

    LOL he said “conjole”.


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