Words most abused by the right

June 5, 2013

Morgan Freeberg had a great idea, but mislabled it.  I’ve started a corrected list here, below.  More corrections will need to be made, and a few additions will be in order.  I already added a tiny handful.  To start out all the links go to Morgan’s site, so I can’t vouch for any of his definitions.  Feel free to suggest explanatory links for any work or phrase, in comments.

First draft,”Words Most Abused by the Right”:

  1. Tolerance

    Tolerance t-shirt design from Northern Sun

    Tolerance t-shirt design from Northern Sun; t-shirt will certainly tick off members of the Right Wing.

  2. Fairness
  3. Equality
  4. Vote
  5. Democracy
  6. Capitalism
  7. Free market
  8. Economics
  9. Jobs
  10. Family
  11. Marriage
  12. Contraception, and Family Planning
  13. Inclusion
  14. Science
  15. Open-minded
  16. Egalitarian
  17. Stereotype
  18. Oppressive
  19. Non-threatening
  20. Diversity
  21. Everyone
  22. Skeptic
  23. Nuance
  24. Progressive
  25. Constitution
  26. History
  27. Science
  28. Religion
  29. Environment
  30. News
  31. Journalism
  32. Hate speech
  33. Tea Party
  34. Abuse
  35. Torture
  36. Greed
  37. Assault (weapon/rifle/gun)
  38. Wealthy
  39. Any tangible noun that ends with “ist,” or intangible noun that ends with “ism.”
  40. Undocumented
  41. Working (family)
  42. Worker
  43. Labor
  44. Right(s)
  45. Ethical
  46. Transparent(cy)
  47. Landmark
  48. Theocracy
  49. Common sense
  50. Safety
  51. Fascist/ism
  52. Communist/ism
  53. Socialist/ism
  54. Mainstream
  55. Forward

Morgan also “cross-posted” his list at House of Eratosthenes and Right Wing News.  Hilarity ensues, I’m sure.


Disaster strikes the stick family on the mini-van next door . . .

May 21, 2013

Bumper sticker memes tend to age very quickly, quickly past ripe and right on into overripe. Remember “Baby on Board?”

My favorite response was one that said “Ex-husband in trunk.” A tie flapped out of the trunk compartment, as if caught in a sudden closing on a squirmy piece of cargo.

I’m tired of the stick families, now.  And so, I was happy to see this in the parking lot.

Parking lot/bumper sticker humor -- what happened to that nice stick family that used to live on the mini-van next door?

Parking lot/bumper sticker humor — what happened to that nice stick family that used to live on the mini-van next door?  “We ate your stick family.”  Who knew zombies eat like beavers?  Photo by Ed Darrell


Feynman Day! Richard Feynman, mensch, drummer, Nobel winner, born May 11, 1918

May 11, 2013

No, we’re not joking.

May 11 is the anniversary of the birth of Richard Feynman.

Richard Feynman

Richard Feynman. Borrowed from Luciano’s Tumblr, LikeaPhysicist

In addition to his winning the Nobel Prize for Quantum Electrodynamics (QED), Feynman popularized the critique of science and other enterprises with what we now call Cargo Cult science, or education, or whatever, where people follow the dance steps, but without the rhythm and music.

Those two things alone would make him a remarkable man.  But, like a product offered for $19.95 as a good buy in a 2:00 a.m. infomercial, with Feynman, there’s more.  With Feynman, there is always more.

I got alerted to Feynman in the first days of the old Quality Paperback Book Club, when they featured his new memoir, Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman!  QPBC was hot on the book, and with a title like that, how could I resist?  When I got the book a week or so later, I read it within two days, while attending law school and working full time.  I remember Feynman.

Norton published the book — and their description, alone, should make you want to read it:

A New York Times bestseller—the outrageous exploits of one of this century’s greatest scientific minds and a legendary American original.

In this phenomenal national bestseller, the Nobel Prize­-winning physicist Richard P. Feynman recounts in his inimitable voice his adventures trading ideas on atomic physics with Einstein and Bohr and ideas on gambling with Nick the Greek, painting a naked female toreador, accompanying a ballet on his bongo drums and much else of an eyebrow-raising and hilarious nature.

All true, and that’s not even the half of the outrageousness, all done with great good humor, about a life lived in great good humor through what should have been a memorable age, but often was just terrifying.

I think sometimes that Feynman’s calm, alone, borne of that great good humor and insatiable curiosity,  may have gotten us through the birth of the atomic age and the Cold War.

Feynman was a giant, and we don’t revere him enough.  Consider:

  • Feynman’s high school sweetheart, Arlene, came down with tuberculosis.  He married her, and took her with him to New Mexico to make the atom bombs.  The stories of her confinement to a hospital, and the laborious trekking he had to make between Los Alamos and her bedside in Santa Fe, are touching, and heartbreaking.  It is one of the great love stories of the 20th century, certainly, and perhaps for all time.  It also provided the title for his second memoir, What Do You Care What Other People Think?
  • Every single, college-age man should read Feynman’s stories of how to date, and how to seduce women.  His approach was unique, and endeared him to women — in legend, to many women.  Feynman’s dating must have been part of the inspiration for the comedy series, “Big Bang Theory.”  Feynman’s stories are better.  (Heck, it’s even the subject of a popular, classic XKCD comic — probably only Feynman and Einstein among Nobel-winning physicists have made so much money for so many cartoonists.)
US postage stamp featuring Richard Feynman

US postage stamp featuring Richard Feynman

  • Yeah, he’s already been featured on a postage stamp, see at right.  That’s not good enough for Feynman, though — the U.S. Postal Service created a special cancellation stamp for Feynman, featuring a version of his Feynman Diagrams.

    A special postal cancel was authorized by the USPS (United States Postal Service) to honor the 80th birthday of Richard Feynman. This cancel was used in Lake Worth, Florida. For this special day the post office was renamed “Feynman Station.”

    Feynman Commemorative Cancel Feynman Diagram

    The Feynman Diagram used for the postal cancel on this envelope depicts what is known as a “bubble process.” It shows a high energy particle, for example, a cosmic ray (a) from a distant supernova, which emits a high energy photon, for example, a gamma ray (b). The photon, in turn, creates a particle (c) and an anti-particle (d) that exists for a brief moment and then recombines.

    As Feynman liked to point out, an anti-particle is the same thing as a particle with negative energy traveling backward in time (which is why the arrow at (d) points backwards, i.e. to the left). So you could say the photon created only one particle that, at first, traveled forward in time (the bottom semi-circle) and then reversed and went back in time (the top semi-circle) and annihilated itself! By inventing diagrams like this, Richard Feynman made it much easier to understand what is going on in the interactions between sub-atomic particles without getting lost in tremendous amounts of tedious math

  • Working at Los Alamos on the Manhattan Project, Feynman developed a keen appreciation for bureaucracy and all its follies.  His vexations for the security managers are also legendary.  Here’s a quick version of one story — he asked friends and family to write to him in code, but to not include a key to the code, so he’d have to crack the code to read the letter.  Feynman could do it, but the security people couldn’t.  Hilarity ensued.
  • Feynman developed a love for the still-relatively unknown, landlocked Asian nation of Tannu Tuva.  It’s just the sort of place to appeal to a character like Feynman — so obscure most atlases didn’t, and don’t, show it at all — seemingly consumed by the Soviet Union, but held in a special status.  Home of throat singing — and almost impossible to get to.  During the Cold War, Feynman struck up correspondence with people in Tuva, to the concern of Soviet and American intelligence agencies, who seemed not to understand someone might do such thing out of curiosity.  Feynman hoped to travel there to visit new friends, but his final bouts of cancer took him before it was possible.  Tuva, famous among philatelists only, perhaps, honored Feynman with postage stamps and postcards.
  • Just try to find a photo of Feynman not smiling. The man was a joy to be around, for most people, most of the time.
  • Quantum electro dynamics?  No, I can’t explain it, either — but his work had a lot to do with how particles wobble.  I remember that because, according to Feynman, he got the inspiration for the work for which he won the Nobel while spinning plates, like a Chinese acrobat on the Ed Sullivan Show, to the delight of students in the Cornell University cafeteria, and the shock and horror of the food service people.  Who else has yet confessed to such an inspiration for a Nobel?

There’s more — a lot more.  Feynman outlined our current generation of computer memory devices — in 1959.  No, he didn’t patent the idea.  He did patent an idea for a nuclear-powered spacecraft.  Another delightful story.

Feynman in an Apple ad

Feynman was featured in print and broadcast ads for Apple — not one, but two (did anyone else get that honor from Apple?). “Think Different.” This is one of Apple Computer’s most successful advertising campaigns. The theme of the campaign is one that celebrates figures in history who changed the world by thinking differently. Richard Feynman was among the chosen figures.

Feynman served on the board that approved science books for the California school system — his stories of that work will shock some, but it will make others shake their heads as they recognize the current crop of cargo-cultists and political bullies who dominate textbook approval processes, knowing nothing at all about what they are doing, or why.

No, I didn’t forget his brilliant work on the commission that studied the Challenger disaster, for NASA. There’s so much stuff to glorify!

In history, Feynman should be remembered much as we remember Thomas Jefferson, as a renaissance man in his time, a man who put great intellect to great work for his nation and all humanity.

Feynman's second Apple ad

The second Apple ad featuring Richard Feynman. An excerpt from Apple Computer’s campaign commercial: “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them… about the only thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things, they push the human race forward; and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

The sages say we shouldn’t have regrets, but I do have one.  When the Challenger Commission was meeting in Washington, D.C., I was working on another commission up the street.  I knew Feynman was ill, but our work was important, and we’d heard his disease was in remission.  I didn’t goof off a day and go to any of the hearings to see him, to get an autograph, to meet the man.  I though I’d have other opportunities to do that.  Now I regret not having met him in person.

In print, and in film, I know him well.  In our family, reading Feynman is something everybody does.  Feynman’s memoir was one of the last books I read to our son, Kenny, as he was growing up, and growing into reading on his own.  Even reading about Feynman, together, was an adventure.  Our son, James, took us into the real physics of Feynman, and though I struggle with it more than James, we still read Feynman, for humor, and physics.

What would be appropriate ways to mark Feynman’s birth?  At some future date, I hope we’ll have public readings of his books, showings of the documentaries about him, recreations of his lectures, perhaps.  And then everyone can get in a circle, beating drums and singing about getting some orange juice, before sending postcards to our friends in Tuva.

Richard Feynman, we still need you, and miss you dearly.

Tannu Tuva

Tuva’s capital is the delightfully-named Kyzyl. From this map, can you figure out where Tuva is, or how to get there — without Google, or Bing?

Tuva postcard honoring Richard Feynman

Tuva postcard, in honor of Richard Feynman — who loved to drum.

There will always be “More” about Richard Feynman, if we’re lucky:

Have a great Feynman Day!

 


Honk if you don’t get the joke

April 26, 2013

In Texas, Christian-themed bumper stickers outnumber all others by a huge number.

Some of the non-Christians have a better sense of humor, or at least a willingness to pun:

Ankh if you love Isis

“Ankh if you love Isis” bumper sticker in Texas. Photo by Ed Darrell

Of course, in order to get the homophone pun, and the joke, one needs to know a bit about world history and ancient Egyptian religions.  One faces the danger that people in the parking lot at the local Sam’s Club won’t know world history, won’t get the joke, and may take offense.

It’s a form of a test, to see who paid attention in world history and has a sense of humor, and who didn’t pay attention in world history.

I knew a librarian once, a good Christian woman, who hated those “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper stickers.  She said that she once sat on a crowded freeway and counted more than 25 of the things on cars that passed.  No one honked, however, and she feared that meant  people didn’t love Jesus.  Unintentional blasphemy by silence — only in Texas.

Honk if you don’t get the joke.  We’ll find a remedial world history class for you.

More:

Some Texans were unhappy to learn “Don’t Mess With Texas” was an anti-litter slogan; some Texans take their bumper stickers way too seriously. Texas Public Radio image


Humor, or a crying need for grammar police?

April 6, 2013

Is this sign saying “Don’t do anything here,” or is it saying “Do anything you want here?”

Or, is it saying, “Doing everything at all times, is required?”

Photo by Amanda and Keith Holland, somewhere in the South:

A tree in the woods, with a sign nailed to it that reads, “POSTED: No Nothing, Cowden Plantation”


Obama Derangement Syndrome, described in 2013

March 24, 2013

Superman stands with President Obama

This photo will set off most sufferers of Obama Derangement Syndrome — who can’t stand Superman’s duplicating Obama’s stance. Can’t find details on this photo — I believe it was taken in Metropolis, Illinois, in 2008.

In my post drafts I have a longish one on various forms of crazy that, well, make me crazy.  It includes a lot of illogical things that populate the internet and political discussions like dysentery in a poorly-run refugee camp on the border of two third world nations at war with each other.

But it’s still hanging fire.  Plus, my description of the various anti-Obama crazinesses isn’t so cogent as our friend Jim provided in comments to an earlier post.

So, for your edification, and in the hopes that some sufferers of Obama Derangement Syndrome (ODS) may seek help on their own, or that you may be able to persuade them to seek help, here’s what Mr. Stanley wrote about it (all links added by me, here):

As with any mental illness, Obama Derangement Syndrome’s treatment must begin with an accurate diagnosis. It is certainly possible that what passes for ODS may actually be nothing more complicated than food poisoning. Got ahold of some bad clams? It will pass. It could be severe constipation. Nothing an enema can’t clear up. But if you’ve ruled out the usual suspects, follow this handy checklist to determine if you are an ODS sufferer. Remember, admitting you have a problem is the first step toward lucidity and wellness.

You may have Obama Derangement Syndrome…

  • . . .  if you believe he was a CIA operative fighting with the Afghan rebels and against the Soviets in the 1980s. Your case of ODS may be terminal if you believe this, and yet now believe Obama is, himself, a Marxist.
  • . . . if you suspect he had that great American patriot, Andrew Breitbart, murdered. Extra points if you are sure the Obamas have had as many people murdered as you believed the Clintons did. Still more bonus points if you think gay sex orgies were connected to his murder spree.
  • . . . if you are reasonably sure President Obama orchestrated Hurricane Sandy in order to improve his chances at the polls in 2012; planned and ordered either the Sandy Hook school massacre or Aurora Theater massacre to create a pretext for a giant “gun-grab”; and was behind the BP oil spill and/or the Massey Energy coal mine disaster in an effort to justify tighter regulation of business.
  • . . . if you believe the President used an executive order to hand over U.S. territory to Russia. [Or to the UN, or to anyone else.]
  • . . . if you have seen incontrovertible “proof” that Obama removed the American flag from Air Force One and replaced it with his campaign logo; has consistently refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance or salute the flag; seldom if ever wears an American flag lapel pin and steadfastly resists suggestions from staffers that he say “God bless America” at the end of his speeches.
  • . . . if you know that he was a member of the Black Panthers, the Weather Underground, the American Communist Party, the American Fascist/Third Way Movement, the Illuminati, the German-American Bund, the Campfire Girls of America and Friends of Ish Kabibble.
  • . . . if you believe President Obama has a “secret plan” to remove evangelical Christian young people from their homes and place them in FEMA or UN-run re-education camps.
  • . . . if you believe the birth certificate is a forgery, never existed in the first place or that it exists – but that it, upon careful examination, shows that Barack Obama was sired by a jackal.
  • . . . if you have seen “evidence” that he furnished the Oval Office with Islamic or Middle Eastern décor; that he has changed the name of the WH Christmas tree to the WH “Holiday” tree; that he wears jewelry with secret Koranic verses on it; or that he was sworn in on the Holy Koran and not the Bible.
  • . . . if you believe he had the October, 2012 jobs report altered.
  • . . . or if you believe President Obama is part lizard, the Antichrist or a former CIA operative who was teleported to Mars.

If any of these resonate with you as plausible, reasonable or outright true, seek help for ODS immediately. There is no shortage of treatment options. One might begin by cancelling subscriptions to Stormfront, Newsmax, Citizen Magazine, World Net Daily, Conservapedia and World Magazine. Additional recommendations include a Fox “News” fast, putting your “Left Behind” books in the recycle bin and avoiding those personalities who may function as enablers of ODS. Such individuals include Glenn Beck, James Dobson, Rush Limbaugh, Tom Sowell, Laura Ingraham, Texe Marrs, Hal Lindsey, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Allen West and Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum. (This is, of course, not an exhaustive list.)

Side effects resulting from successful ODS treatment may include increased lucidity, rationality, compassion and diminished feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. People who have recovered from ODS report a significant reduction in suspicion and mistrust of those of different races, religions and cultures. Ask your mental health professional if receiving ODS treatment is right for you.

Mr. Stanley got through that entire list without mentioning  Kenya, Bill Ayers, or the Illinois Bar disciplinary procedures.

You may be suffering from Obama Derangement Syndrome, if the symptoms listed above describe you.

There’s hope for you, if you are a sufferer. ObamaCare covers treatment.

Obama Derangement Syndrome may be a lot more prevalent that he thinks!

More:


Just the gift for neo-con trolls! A Snark Tuner!

March 18, 2013

Well, actually it’s a Snark-brand tuner.  But when I saw the name, my mind just reeled with possibilities.

A Snark Tuner!  A Snark Tuner.

Your snark is not quite up to snuff?  Tune it up!

From a notice I got from Hello Music!

Snark tuners! Alas, it’s for the benefit of guitar players, not to sharpen the snark of internet trolls, nor for other snarky commenters.

Snark tuners! Alas, it’s for the benefit of guitar players, not to sharpen the snark of internet trolls, nor for other snarky commenters. Suggested originally by the late, lamented Hello Music.

It’s actually a good buy, for a guitar player.  But if you were looking to snarken up your snark, you’re out of luck — unless your snark comes in whole tones . . .

Close-up of the Snark SN-1tuner. Close-up of the Snark Tuner – -50 to +50, you know if your snark is spot on! I mean, you know if your guitar is in tune.

Close-up of the Snark SN-1tuner. Close-up of the Snark Tuner – -50 to +50, you know if your snark is spot on! I mean, you know if your guitar is in tune.

Close-up of the Snark SN-1tuner. Close-up of the Snark Tuner – -50 to +50, you know if your snark is spot on! I mean, you know if your guitar is in tune.

Technical specifications:

Overview
What It Is: This is the Snark SN-1 Clip On Tuner in Blue. The SN-1 has a Full Color Display that rotates 360 degrees, and a clip that stays put when you clip it on. You can transpose keys, calibrate pitch, and there’s even a tap tempo metronome. This Snark tuner has a High Sensitivity Vibration Sensor, and it can be used on front or back of headstock.

Why this is a great opportunity: Clip on Vibration sensitive tuners are great for tuning in a loud environment, especially with acoustic guitars. This one has a large colorful display that’s easy to read, but the real kicker is the built in metronome. Win.

Hello Music SKU: HMSNA3140

Specifications Features:
– Full Color Display
– Display Rotates 360 Degrees
– Stay Put Clip
– Fast and Deadly Accurate
– Tap Tempo Metronome
– Pitch Calibration 415-466 Hz
– Transpose Feature

Woulda been useful when I was performing.  Would Lewis Carroll have used one, do you think?

May get one yet, even though it won’t help with the internet.  How times change.

Even though it’s not what I imagined, like telling the difference between a burro and a burrow, I know several people who need to have this recommended to them — how about you?

“Fast and Deadly Accurate.”  I like that.

More:


March 14: π Day! A π roundup, mostly pie

March 14, 2013

Of course you remembered that today is pi Day, right?

Pi Day Pie from Slashfood.com

Happy π Day! Pi Day Pie – Slashfood.com

Oh, or maybe better, π Day.

We’ll start with the brief post from a few months ago, and then build on it with some activities and posts from around the WordPress-o-sphere.

The good people at PiDay.org suggest a few ways you can celebrate:

Make (and Eat) a Pie – These pie recipes for Pi Day from NPR’s McCallister look incredibly tasty. But, there’s no shame in putting a frozen store-bought pie in the oven, or picking up a pie from your local bakery. Any kind of pie is great on Pi Day! If you’re making your own, get inspired by these beautifully designed Pi Day Pies. Tell us on Facebook: What’s your favorite kind of pie for Pi Day?

Hope your π Day is complete as a circle, and well-rounded!

How are others celebrating?  A look around WordPress:

At SocialMediaPhobe, a musical interpretation of pifeaturing the music of Michael Blake:

So Long Freedom:

pidaypieToday is March 14th, also known as “Pi Day” for us math geeks out there because March 14th (3/14) is the first 3 digits of π (3.14159…).  To celebrate “Pi Day” I highly recommend doing something mathematical while having some pie at 1:59 pm.  I recommend Yumology‘s S’mores Pie as it has 3 main ingredients (chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker) and about 0.14159 other ingredients like sugar, butter, and stuff.  If you are not a math geek, its okay…you can still eat pie and count things like how many stop signs you pass on your way back to work from lunch.  Or you could go to the library and take out a book on something fun like binary code.  As we like to say, “There are only 10 types of people in the world:  Those that understand binary and those that don’t.”  Seriously, binary is as easy as 01000001, 01000010, 01000011.

Miles Free at PMPA Speaking of Precision:

Today 3-14 at 1:59  I will be celebrqting Pi Day. 3.14159 is the value of pi to 5 decimals...

So besides being  the cause of much techie “irrational” exuberance, Pi Day  is a great way to get some engagement with students.

Marymount High School has several activities, last year they had a design competition incorporating pi; the students then made and sold buttons of each design, proceeds going to the Red Cross.

Hmm- math subject matter, design, production, sales, accounting.

Sounds like what we do in manufacturing.
Maybe celebrating Pi Day is not so irrational as first thought.

Free said his pie is peach.

Steve Doyle at CraveDFW:

On March 12, 2009 your lawmakers  passed a non-binding resolution (HRES 224) recognizing March 14, 2009 as National Pi Day. It is one of the more legit holidays we discuss here, and it is actually an homage to geeks everywhere who see the date as a reason to celebrate due to its mathematical implications. We say any reason to celebrate anything is just fine by us.

Since we are predominately about food we will suggest a few places to actually enjoy a pie.

DSC06367

If you followed us at all this week you may have seen the pie at Bowl and Barrel pop up on our pages. This is the uber delicious Butterscotch Pie served as the solo dessert at the bowling alley and restaurant.  Go eat one of these.

He’s got more pi pie, if you click over there.

Gareth Branwyn at MakeZine offers more pie and a mnemonic:

How to Remember Pi to 15 Digits

Pi-Pie--69299

By way of sci-fi author and mathenaut Rudy Rucker’s Facebook wall comes this:

One way to remember the first few digits of pi is to count the letters in the words of this phrase:

“How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics.”

[Image via FreakingNews]

Another song, on YouTube, at Awsomesauce:

b.love offers this clock image (is this clock for sale somewhere?):

A clock for pi day

TED Blog offers two videos:

Chirag Singh explains his “passion for pi.”

Daniel Tammet, “Different Ways of Knowing:

Geeks are really out in force today, flaunting pi for all they’ve got.

More:


Great obits, tribute: The Scoop on obit author Amanda Lewis

March 13, 2013

The Scoop, a blog of the Dallas Morning News, followed up on that great obit of Harry Stamps.  Reporter Eric Aasen tracked down Amanda Lewis, Stamps’s daughter, and the author of his obituary, which the Biloxi Sun-Herald judge “best ever.”

Harry Stamps and his daughter, Amanda Lewis

Harry Stamps with his daughter, Amanda Lewis, at her wedding in Dallas. Lewis wrote the great obituary for her father published last week in the Biloxi Sun-Herald. Photo from Amanda Lewis, via The Scoop

“He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.”

Lewis tells The News she started writing the obituary Thursday morning, when she began the long drive from Dallas to Mississippi. She says her mother had given her some highlights, some bullet points in order to write the standard small-print farewell. But that’s not the kind of obituary she wanted to write.

“I don’t understand why people do a résumé for an obituary,” says Lewis. “It never captures the spirit of the person. My dad had such a big spirit. He had such a big personality. And I didn’t think listing where he went to college and his résumé would do him justice. I liked the idea of setting it up as kind of a contrast where at first you think it’ll be a pretentious obituary — everyone’s great when they die in an obituary — and then I tried to use what would have been his sense of humor to describe my dad. And clearly it worked. I was pleased with it.”

So was everyone else.

Aasen had a couple of great photos to add  (and it ran in this morning’s edition of the newspaper, too).

My father told the story of attending the funeral for a woman who had a bit of a checkered past, as he would euphemistically tell us, and who did not get along with everyone.  He said the pastor, delivering a eulogy, talked of fine Italian tapestries, famous for brilliant colors and even silver and gold used as thread.  “In every fine Italian tapestry, there are black threads woven in, to contrast with the silver and gold,” the pastor said.  “And so it was with the life of this woman.”

Some tributes to the departed capture their spirit — think of Teddy Kennedy quoting  a paraphrase of Bernard  Shaw at the funeral of his brother Robert.  Tributes provide deep, lasting memories, or change events on their own, sometimes.

Harry Stamps’s obit was a great oneI’ve posted two others that I think produced more smiles than tears, and I know there are other obituaries out there that are worthy of reading, spreading the news about, and perhaps, emulation.   Know of any?

More:


Great obits: Val Patterson, Salt Lake City

March 12, 2013

A nice guy by all reports – but not a Ph.D.

Not that he cheated to get it.

It’s a great story, and it unfolded only in the obituary he wrote for himself.  The obituary ran in The Salt Lake Tribune, from July 15 to July 22, 2012.

Val Patterson

Obituary

1953 – 2012

Val Patterson

Val Patterson, 1953-2012

I was Born in Salt Lake City, March 27th 1953. I died of Throat Cancer on July 10th 2012. I went to six different grade schools, then to Churchill, Skyline and the U of U. I loved school, Salt Lake City, the mountains, Utah. I was a true Scientist. Electronics, chemistry, physics, auto mechanic, wood worker, artist, inventor, business man, ribald comedian, husband, brother, son, cat lover, cynic. I had a lot of fun. It was an honor for me to be friends with some truly great people. I thank you. I’ve had great joy living and playing with my dog, my cats and my parrot. But, the one special thing that made my spirit whole, is my long love and friendship with my remarkable wife, my beloved Mary Jane. I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely. Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled. I enjoyed one good life. Traveled to every place on earth that I ever wanted to go. Had every job that I wanted to have. Learned all that I wanted to learn. Fixed everything I wanted to fix. Eaten everything I wanted to eat. My life motto was: “Anything for a Laugh”. Other mottos were “If you can break it, I can fix it”, “Don’t apply for a job, create one”. I had three requirements for seeking a great job; 1 – All glory, 2 – Top pay, 3 – No work.

Val Patterson

Val Patterson, 1953-2012

Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest.  Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters “PhD” even stood for. For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I’m sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work. Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland – you can now throw away that “Banned for Life” file you have on me, I’m not a problem anymore – and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.

To the gang: We grew up in the very best time to grow up in the history of America. The best music, muscle cars, cheap gas, fun kegs, buying a car for “a buck a year” – before Salt Lake got ruined by over population and Lake Powell was brand new. TV was boring back then, so we went outside and actually had lives. We always tried to have as much fun as possible without doing harm to anybody – we did a good job at that.

If you are trying to decide if you knew me, this might help… My father was RD “Dale” Patterson, older brother “Stan” Patterson, and sister “Bunny” who died in a terrible car wreck when she was a Junior at Skyline. My mom “Ona” and brother “Don” are still alive and well. In college I worked at Vaughns Conoco on 45th South and 29th East. Mary and I are the ones who worked in Saudi Arabia for 8 years when we were young. Mary Jane is now a Fitness Instructor at Golds on Van Winkle – you might be one of her students – see what a lucky guy I am? Yeah, no kidding.

My regret is that I felt invincible when young and smoked cigarettes when I knew they were bad for me. Now, to make it worse, I have robbed my beloved Mary Jane of a decade or more of the two of us growing old together and laughing at all the thousands of simple things that we have come to enjoy and fill our lives with such happy words and moments. My pain is enormous, but it pales in comparison to watching my wife feel my pain as she lovingly cares for and comforts me. I feel such the “thief” now – for stealing so much from her – there is no pill I can take to erase that pain.

If you knew me or not, dear reader, I am happy you got this far into my letter. I speak as a person who had a great life to look back on. My family is following my wishes that I not have a funeral or burial. If you knew me, remember me in your own way. If you want to live forever, then don’t stop breathing, like I did.

A celebration of life will be held on Sunday, July 22nd from 4:00 to 6:00 pm at Starks Funeral Parlor, 3651 South 900 East, Salt Lake City, casual dress is encouraged.

Online condolences may be offered and memorial video may be viewed at www.starksfuneral.com.

These little snippets of history delight historians, though many of them are so fantastic they make newspaper obit writers frazzled trying to track down the facts.


Great Obits: Amos Schuchman, New York City

March 12, 2013

Amos Schuchman

Amos Schuchman, photo from the New York Daily News, via BizPac Review

Another great obituary.

It was a paid notice (most obituaries are paid notices, by the way), published February 2, 2013 — and it offered Amos Schuchman one last dig at The New York Times:

Amos Schuchman's obit, loved everything about NYC except the NY Times

“[Amos Schuchman] Loved his family, his birth and adopted countries, finance, skiing, opera, ballet and biking in Central Park. Loved everything about NYC, except the New York Times.”

“Loved everything about NYC, except the New York Times.”

Amos Schuchman’s children wrote, “His fearless heart still beats within all of us.  Shalom, Saba.”

Sometimes obituaries really capture the deceased person’s spirit.  Schuchman’s smiling now.

(No, I don’t share his view of the newspaper.)

More:


Great obits: Harry Weathersby Stamps, Long Beach

March 12, 2013

Alerted by a Tweet from Matt Soniak:

Several blogs and other sites, and the Biloxi Sun-Herald, say this is the best obit ever.  It’s a very good one, in any case.

Harry Stamps and wife Ann, in Long Beach, Mississippi

Photo from the SunHerald: PHOTO COURTESY AMANDA LEWIS Harry Stamps stands with wife Ann at their Katrina-damaged home in Long Beach. Stamps wears his famous grass-stained Mississippi State University baseball cap Read more here: http://www.sunherald.com/2013/03/11/4521106/best-obit-ever-harry-stamps-obituary.html#storylink=cpy

At the Biloxi SunHerald.com:

Harry Weathersby Stamps

December 19, 1932 — March 9, 2013

Long Beach

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter’s death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized “old man” remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words “veranda” and “porte cochere” to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil’s Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of “theme.” Visitation will be held at Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.

View & sign register book @ www.bradfordokeefe.com
Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?n=harry-stamps&pid=163538353&fhid=4025#fbLoggedOut#storylink=cpy

Yeah, but wouldn’t it have been funny to have held the funeral at the local links?  Just give the address, say nothing about golf, and don’t let anyone mention the venue.  They’d have talked about it for years.


Punchline too brutal for work: Why it is that environmentalists are the real humanitarians (a necessary encore)

March 1, 2013

I wish it weren’t true.  I wish people didn’t appear to be getting stupider, less scientifically literate, and less knowledgeable of history (see Santayana‘s thoughts in the upper right-hand corner of the blog . . .).  My e-mail box is filling today with notes from people claiming environmentalists want to rid the Earth of humans, urging that we should oppose them and let poisoning of our air and water continue . . . oblivious to the irony of the claim coupled with their supposed opposition to the idea.  Here’s the truth, in large part, an encore post from several months ago (I apologize in advance for the necessary profanity):

The fictional but very popular memes that environmentalists hate humans, humanity and capitalism wouldn’t bother me so much if they didn’t blind their believers to larger truths and sensible policies on environmental protection.

One may argue the history of the environmental movement, how most of the originators were great capitalists and humanitarians — think Andrew Carnegie, Laurance Rockefeller, Theodore Roosevelt, Gifford Pinchot, and all the early medical doctors who warned of the dangers of pollution-caused diseases — but it falls on deaf ears on the other sides.

Here’s the 30-second response, from Humon, in cartoon form (or here, at Humon Comics):

First panel of cartoon by Humon at Deviant Art

Mother Gaia explains why environmental protection is important, from Humon at Deviant Art

Facts of life and environmental protection – from Humon at Deviant Art

Tip of the old scrub brush to P. Z. Myers, and Mia, whoever she is.  Myers noted, “Environmentalism is actually an act of self defense.”

More:

Wall of Shame; sites that don’t get it, or intentionally tell the error:

1908 editorial cartoon of President Theodore Roosevelt as “A Practical Forester.”  Source: St. Paul Minnesota “Pioneer Press”. Via GPO's Government Book Talk blog.

1908 Rense editorial cartoon of President Theodore Roosevelt as “A Practical Forester.” Source: St. Paul Minnesota “Pioneer Press”. Via GPO’s Government Book Talk blog.


Trombone time: Dave Finlayson and GoPro on the slide

February 6, 2013

Trombone players are nice guys, usually.  Something about the mellow tone, the difficulty of mastering a non-push-button (valve) instrument, and having to fill in the low parts where the egotistical trumpets can’t go.

My older brother Wes played trombone, and that sucked me in — the junior high band didn’t have any trombones, and some neighborhood fink ratted out that I had one in my closet.  My playing ended in college.  Younger son James played first chair in the Duncanville Wind Ensemble, a group that steps a lot of musicians right into pro slots; older son Kenny switched from trumpet to baritone in the same group (you can hear Kenny in that recording of the Wind Ensemble).  In Kathryn’s family, it’s almost required be a trombonist.  Uncle Darrell plays, still, in a symphony in Utah County, with various other uncles and cousins staffing bands from Ogden south to Provo in Utah.

So, of course, Dave Finlayson’s marriage of a short piece and a GoPro camera appealed to me right off:

You don’t recognize Dave Finlayson?

From GoPro’s site:

David Finlayson set out to make a GoPro video with his trombone and ended up with a surprise – a viral video with hits numbering over one million! Check out the extended cut David and GoPro produced — orchestra night, anyone? David is a trombonist with the New York Philharmonic – check out David’s channel for more videos at http://goo.gl/y1Hrj

More:


It’s raining crazy

January 12, 2013

Sheesh! Did climate change boost the crazy crop, or what?

Without much comment, a few stories that cropped up in the browser today; as the comic writer Dave Barry says, you can’t make this stuff up.  If you were trying to sell it as fiction, they’d laugh you out of the room.  Nobody could be that crazy . . . and yet:

  1. Creationists visited the Perot Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas.  Perhaps unsurprisingly, they found they don’t like what science knows about nature, especially evolution.  Why did they even bother to go?  Story at the Sensuous Curmudgeon.
  2. At Slate, David Weigel wrote about Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s plan to eliminate the state tax on gasoline — the tax that pays for roads and bridges — and instead tax hybrid cars.   It’s stupid, because it dramatically increases taxes on clean air machines, and it creates the wrong incentives for a tax system.  But it’s dramatically crazy because it sucks money out of the funds to build and repair roads and bridges.  As best I can tell, it takes a tax that collects about $100/vehicle now, and imposes a tax on about 5% of cars, of about $100.  There can’t be enough money coming in to replace the tax.  In short, McDonnell’s plan damages jobs, hurts business, and leaves Virginia in the back row of well-run states.  With patriot plans like McDonnell’s, who needs al Quaeda, the Soviet Union, or China?

    RawStory image of Fox News Eric Bolling flunking math on national teleivision

    Fox News’s Eric Bolling calls the distributive property of multiplication “liberal bias.” It must be embarrassing to flunk algebra so publicly on national television. RawStory image

  3. Sometimes the excess of stupid makes you feel embarrassed for them.  Fox News distorter Eric Bolling accused teachers (natch!) of indoctrinating students in algebra classes.  (See what I mean?  You can’t make up this sort of crazy — oh, you don’t see what I mean?  Read on).  Seems Mr. Bolling has discovered — this is exclusive — that there are problems in algebra books that teach the distributive property of multiplication! Can you get much more liberal that that? Bolling wonders.  The rest of us wonder, can Fox News sink any lower in the stupid sump.  (Distributive property.)
  4. Meanwhile, in Tennessee, James Yeager who claims to be a consultant and instructor in security, urges people to arm up for civil war because, Yeager is sure, Obama is coming to get everybody’s guns.  His profanity-laced YouTube rant is off of his site, but preserved for us (fortunately? unfortunately?) at RawStory.  This is a bit too crazy even for West Tennessee — the state suspended the man’s handgun carry permits. (Would he have been so persecuted, had he been living in East Tennessee?)
  5. Hackers exploited a flaw they found in Java 7 — the U.S. Department of Homeland Security can’t figure a fix, and neither has Oracle, so Homeland Security urges businesses to disable Java on their browsers.

    Bildbeschreibung: Frank Zappa-Statue von Vacla...

    There’s a statue to Frank Zappa in Europe, another in Baltimore; Rep. Gingrey, not so much. Frank Zappa-Statue von Vaclav Cesak in Bad Doberan Quelle: selbst fotographiert Fotograf/Zeichner: Hei_ber Datum: 2003 Sonstiges: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  6. Another Republican Member of the House of Representatives made a burro of himself with comments about rape.  In a bad paraphrase of Frank Zappa, “Rep. Phil Gingrey, what’s gotten into you?”  Gingrey misrepresents a district in Georgia.
  7. The House GOP is still threatening to shoot America’s economy in the head unless Democrats agree to crash the economy in the ditch with draconian, unnecessary and damaging spending cuts.
  8. Anthony Watts already has a half-dozen posts up denying the recent findings that 2012 was the warmest year on record for the contiguous 48 United States.  James Delingpole, at The Daily Mail is just making stuff up.  (Should it be “Gourdian?”) I hadn’t realized there was a King of Denial crown up for grabs.

    Update, January 15, 2013:  Greg Laden reported that the Watts blog has taken crazy to cosmic proportions.

There is good information out there.  I hope there is an army of sane people to get the good information, and sort it from the bad.

I’m going to sleep on it.  Good night!

More:

This one’s for you, Eric Bollinger; from Khan Academy, the Distributive Property of Multiplication:

(Did you notice that the answer was the same under the “liberal” distributive law as it was without its use?)